Coming of Age
by squiddlesandsopor
Summary: In which John has a birthday party, has fun with his friends, and drinks too much. Shenanigans ensue.


"No, no Jade! It's my birthday, I get to answer the door!" John exclaimed as both he and Jade stood to answer the ringing doorbell.

Eyes rolling, Jade sat back down. Bounding to the door John opened it, beaming at Dirk and Jake.

"Okay, now we're just waiting for Roxy, Vriska, and Jane!"

Ushering them in, John closed the door. This was going to be the best birthday ever, John decided. All his friends surrounding him, movies, party games, and maybe he'd finally get to make a move on Vriska! Yes, John was very happy with how things were going to go tonight.

"Whoa now, calm down kid, little hyper ain't ya?" Dirk drawled.

"Actually old chap," Jake cut in, "Jane called me up before Dirk and I left. Said she and Roxy couldn't make it. They're terribly sorry about it but some things can't be helped, now can they?"

"Oh," John said softly, "Well yeah, I guess."

Walking back into the living room John flopped down on the couch next to his sister.

"Well at least Vriska's still coming right?" Jade offered.

Karkat poked his head out from the kitchen, "Actually she's not, she just texted me and said she couldn't make it." He was wearing his usual frown but it softened slightly as he looked at John's crestfallen expression, "Sorry."

Everyone, with the exception of John, shared a glance. Obviously today was not going as John had planned, but really what was there to say?

Oblivious to everyone around him John scuffed his feet back and forth on the plush carpet. Minutes ticked by and the mood of the room darkened.

At that moment, when the room felt so brittle it could shatter with the slightest breath, Rose and Kanaya emerged from the study with Dave in tow.

"John," the name was soft on Rose's lips as she sized up the situation, "Perhaps you could join me in the study for a moment?"

John glanced up and nodded, standing mutely and walking over to step through the doorway after his friend.

Kanaya joined Karkat as he returned to the kitchen and their voices could be heard, interrupted by the occasional honk, as they began conversing.

Dave leaned against the wall and tipped his chin ever so slightly in Dirk and Jake's direction as they finally sat down.

"Sup bro?" he asked nonchalantly.

Smirking, Dirk replied, "Not much lil' man. Where's that awesome blind-chick girlfriend of yours?"

Dave shrugged, "I don't know. Probably out licking the swing set or some shit."

In the study, John sat despondently at the piano. Out of habit he brushed his fingers softly against the cool keys. Rose pulled out his father's chair and sat gracefully, crossing her ankles and hooking them behind one of the front legs.

"John, look at me." The tone was soft but held a command nonetheless.

John looked up dutifully, his fingers slipping from the keys, "What is it Rose?"

"John, all these people are here to spend your birthday with you. I'm terribly sorry things aren't working out exactly the way you hoped, but you should still have a good time."

"Yeah," his feet scuffed along the carpet again, "I guess you're right."

His lips turn up into a small, hesitant smile.

Rose returned the smile before rising, "Okay then, shall we rejoin our friends? It must be just about time to cut the cake."

Hopping up as well, John's smile turned smug, "Actually it's not."

"No?" Rose asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Nope!" John was now looking quite pleased, "I told Gamzee I don't like cake so he said he'd make pie instead."

As if on cue, Gamzee ambled into the living room, "Aight motherfuckers', pie's all cooked and cooled and ready for eatin'. Soon as we're all up and in this here kitchen these bitchtit candles can be getting their light on."

Emerging from the study, John's smile widened. Everyone filed after him into the kitchen. Terezi was already back inside, and standing next to Kanaya. On the table rested not one, but two pies. Each had ten haphazardly placed blue candles. Everyone formed a loose semi-circle around John as Gamzee lit the candles quickly; with a flourish he stepped back into the group next to Karkat. John decided that what followed was quite likely the most horrible, jarring rendition of "Happy Birthday" in the history of forever. Not to mention everyone was singing at a different pace so it was almost a full minute before he could blow out the candles which were threatening to spill wax on to his birthday pies.

Everyone clapped as he successfully blew out all the candles. Although, it took three tries and there were the obligatory 'Ooh, John has ten girlfriends-you dog!' and 'Oops I guess seven of them caught you cheating!' comments. John just shrugged it off, with only a minor wince as he thought of Vriska. After he finished blowing out the candles he plucked them, one by one, from the pies and dropped them thoughtlessly onto the table cloth.

"What kind of pies are these anyway Gamzee?" John asked.

He accepted a knife from Jade who had grabbed it from her position near the knife block.

"Oh man, 'kay that one there that you're all up and cutting is a citrusified gelatinous miracle of tasty goodness and the other one all up and getting it's chill on is a gooey confectionary delight of sweetness and sauce."

"Uh…what?" asked John, perplexed.

Karkat rolled his eyes, "What this douche clown is trying to articulate is that one," a pointed jab at the pie Johns knife was hovering over, "Is key lime, and that one," another jab, "Is apple caramel. I have no fucking clue as to why that was so damn difficult to say but apparently I am oblivious to the ways of doped up circus rejects."

Karkat subsided with a slight huff and crossed arms. Appearing entirely unaffected by this tirade Gamzee lifted an arm to ruffle the hair between the shorter troll's horns. His grin only widened as Karkat snarled at him. Shaking his head John went back to cutting the pies. Within short order everyone had a plate of pie and they all filed back into the living room. Setting his plate on the coffee table John began fussing with the DVD player. The others carelessly draped themselves on the furniture or flopped onto the floor. With a triumphant giggle John hit the play button and picked up his pie before dropping between Jade and Dirk on the couch.

"What are we watching Egbert? Another one of your Nic Cage movies?" asked Dave from his seat in front of the coffee table.

"Oh my god Dave, no! I'm not a kid anymore!"

"Yeah, yeah. Twenty years old, you're practically an octogenarian; having trouble standing with your bad hip and your hands curled into scary fucking claws because of the arthritis. Back in your day Nic Cage was just a fresh face with a shitty Texan accent in Con Air. Those were the days right Egbert? Simpler times they were, with none of our new-fangled contraptions cluttering the place up," Dave paused to breath.

Before he could continue John interrupted, "It's called 'The Lincoln Lawyer'; it's got Matthew McConaughey in it. It's supposed to be a great movie!"

"Pff. Yeah, sure, whatever Egbert. Calm your titties."

Everyone in the room quieted as the opening credits rolled. A few minutes into the movie everyone had finished their pie and placed the plates on the floor or the coffee table; depending on which was closest. There was the usual back and forth banter and speculation as the movie reached its climax, but aside from that the room was mostly quiet. When the end credits finally rolled John was too busy staring at the screen in awe to do much of anything; so Jade got up and turned on the lights, the sky having darkened over the duration of the evening. As the lights were flicked on there were the usual complaints about not being given proper warning. Ignoring them Jade removed the DVD and after putting it back in its case, she turned to the group with a smile.

"Alright guys, what do we want to do now?"

"Actually Jade, Kanaya and I really must be going. I'm working on my manuscript and Kanaya has an early client." Rose stood and stretched before turning to John, "Thank you for a lovely day. I apologize for our abrupt departure. Happy birthday."

"Thanks for coming guys!" John smiled and hopped up, "I'm glad you could stay for the movie."

"I had a lovely time too, John. I hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday." Kanaya spoke softly and muffled a yawn with her hand, "I'm sorry we can't stay longer but Rose is correct; I've had early clients this whole week. Luckily tomorrow is the last of them."

John bounced over and gave them both huge hugs before walking them to the door. He waved at them from the doorway.

"Bye guys! See you soon!"

After they drove away he closed the door and turned back to his remaining friends.

"So who wants to watch another movie?"

The query was met by a collective groan.

Sitting up from his slump against Gamzee, Karkat stifled a yawn.

"As much as I would thoroughly enjoy ripping another one of your pathetic human movies to shreds this dumb fuck clown and I need to go home too."

There is little vitriol in the statement, in testament to the small troll's exhaustion. With a soft, goofy grin the capricorn helped up his tired moirail, towing him to the messy heap of shoes and jackets by the door. With tired fingers Karkat struggles into his shoes and fumbles with his laces. John couldn't help but snicker a little.

"Geez Karkat! It's not even ten; you're such a lightweight!"

Ceasing his attempts to wrangle his shoelaces Karkat glared up at John, "I'll have you know I haven't slept in forty-three fucking hours. Fuck you very much."

Giving up on his shoelaces with a huff he began tugging on his jacket as John's grin faded.

"I'm sorry Karkat…You didn't have to come tonight you know."

Black lips twitched into an almost-smile and the cancer shook his head.

"No," his voice was almost a normal volume, "I had a good time. Happy wriggling day John Human."

He slouched his way down the drive as Gamzee zipped up his sweater.

"Had a harshwhimsey of a time motherfucker."

"Thanks for the pie Gamzee! Good night!"

John stood, waving until Gamzee caught up to Karkat and slung a companionable arm around the shorter troll. He closed the door with furrowed brows. It didn't seem like anyone wanted to watch another movie and honestly John wasn't sure what else they could do. There were video games, but he didn't have any multiplayers. Even if he did two people would have to sit out and that wasn't fair! His hand had drifted up to cradle his chin as he thought it over.

He was startled out of his musings by an arm, darker than his own, snaking in front of him. It was holding a package that was wrapped in bright My Little Pony paper. Following the arm to its owner John turned to face a smirking Dirk.

"One more present for you kid."

"What is it?" John asked, taking the box from Dirk.

"Well maybe you should open it and find out."

John narrowed his eyes at the present, wondering how high the chances of it literally exploding in his face were. He didn't know Dirk well so he looked at Dave. Dave would know what the chances of an explosion were!

Poker face.

Drat. John should have known better. With trembling fingers, trembling from excitement John told himself, he tore open the wrapping paper. It was a shoe box.

"Shoes?" John asked.

"Just open it kid."

Flicking his gaze from person to person John noted that all eyes were on him. Except for Terezi's. She was facing the staircase for some reason.

Unsure of what to expect, aside from maybe shoes in some ironic display that John really didn't understand, he eased off the lid.

"Oh!" John was surprised by the bottle of dark amber liquid. "Her…haira…do…ra…?"

"It's Herradura Añejo," Dirk corrects, "Tequila."

"Oh."

"John isn't legal yet Dirk," Jade said, "He only turned twenty this year."

"Oh come on, it's just one little year. The kid's legal in Canada."

"Yeah Harls," Dave added, "I'm only twenty and I drink. At least here he's safe you know? Surrounded by people he trusts."

"I guess." Jade said, subsiding.

"Okay kid, have you drunk before?"

"Not really."

"Hmm, I suppose I should have guessed that from Jade's response," Dirk said. "Alright, here's the deal. You're not doing shots because that would probably fuck you up. What do you have for mixers?"

"Uh…"

Dirk looked at John over the rim of his shades before sighing.

"Okay kid, give me free reign in the kitchen and I'll mix drinks up for everyone."

"Alright?"

John was awfully confused by this point. Between an over protective father and an overbearing older sister he didn't know much about alcohol at all. He'd had a beer or two with his coworkers but nothing fancy. The tequila looked fancy.

Wandering back to the couch John flopped onto the soft upholstery.

Dave rose from his spot in front of the coffee table, extricating his limbs from Terezi's grip. He perched on the arm of the couch next to John and gently punched his shoulder.

"Sorry about my bro Egbert. He forgets that mere mortals don't always understand what he's saying."

"Are you one of those 'mere mortals' too Dave?" John asked with a grin.

"Psh, 'course not. How else could I translate if I were?"

The room lapsed into silence. Jake had drifted into a light doze and no one really had anything to say. A long minute later Dirk reappeared with six fizzing glasses.

"Tequila slammers kids. Woulda made sunrises but there wasn't any grenadine," he stopped when he noticed his sleeping boyfriend, "Hey do you guys got a spare bedroom I can put him in? He was up before dawn for some crazy reason."

"Yeah, Jake can sleep in the addition," Jade said, standing.

Dirk nodded and shook Jake's shoulder lightly.

"Hey there, let's get you into bed 'kay?"

"Mmh," Jake mumbled, "Maybe later old chap I'm too sleepy for such shenanigans at the moment."

Dirk maneuvered Jake into a mostly standing position with a slight shake of his head. Wrapping an arm around his boyfriend's waist he turned to Jade.

"Lead the way."

Nodding, Jade headed toward the addition; Dirk following close behind. After a moment they returned, sans Jake.

"Well I hadn't planned on a comatose boyfriend; Egbert, you can have the extra drink. It being your birthday and all."

There was soft talk as everyone sipped at their tequila-spiked soda. About thirty minutes later Dirk was back in the kitchen making a second round. He handed the glasses back to their owners and within short order John had finished his third beverage.

"Guuuuuuuuys, I'm boooooooored," John was lolling against the arm of the couch, "Let's do something!"

"Jesus Egbert, no way you're drunk already." Dave said, rolling his eyes behind his shades.

"Heheheh, what a lightweight!" Terezi cackled.

"I'm not drunk! I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored!"

"John! Really! I knew this was a bad idea." Jade said with a soft sigh.

On the armchair, Dirk chuckled.

"I know a game kid. Interested in playing?"

John perked up immediately, "Yes! What is it?"

"It's called the King's Game."

On the floor in front of John, Dave stifled a groan.

"Bro, no. Not the King's Game. You always want to play it."

"We're doing this Dave, we're making it happen."

"Uh…what's the King's game?" John asked.

"Okay, so it's like this; we need 5 chopsticks 'cuz there are five of us. We draw a red dot on one and label the others from two to five. Still following?" Dirk paused only briefly before continuing, "We put the chopsticks in a cup and then draw them out. The person with the red dot is the King. Everyone else keeps their numbers hidden. The King commands a number or two to do something and the King's order is absolute, got it?"

"Um…I think so?"

Smirking, Dirk returned to the kitchen to make another round, as well as dig out three sets of chopsticks and a coffee mug.

After carefully marking five of the six chopsticks Dirk placed them into the mug with a triumphant grin.

"Is everyone ready? Remember, anything the King orders is absolute. It must be done."

Nodding, everyone drew a chopstick; John, Dirk, and Terezi excitedly, Jade apprehensively, and Dave with the air of a man going to his grave.

After a quick glance at their sticks Dirk chuckled and held up his so everyone could see the red dot.

"Looks like I'm King first."

Dave groaned.

"Hey now lil' man, don't be like that. I'll start you guys off with something easy," Dirk said, spinning the chopstick between his fingers, "Now let's see, number two you need to sit on number three's lap."

Terezi gave her chopstick a sniff and then licked it for good measure.

"Well I'm number three, where's number two?"

"Oh! Um, that's me," Jade stood and moved over to where Terezi was sitting against the coffee table, "May I?"

Terezi nodded and Jade climbed into the trolls lap.

"How long is this for Dirk?"

"I didn't give a time specification so however long you'd like." He replied.

Without further ado Jade stood up and returned to her spot on the couch. Everyone replaced the chopsticks in the mug, which Dirk shook before placing back on the table. They drew again. This time Jade was the one holding up the red dotted chopstick.

"So I tell two numbers to do something?" She asked.

Dirk nodded, "One or two yes, and they have to do what you tell them to."

"I think number two and number four should," Jade trailed off and then shrugged, "number two and four should hold hands."

Dirk held up his stick which had the number two drawn on it. Dave attempted the tricky 2x facepalm combo but just managed to knock his shades askew. He fixed them before showing the number four on his chopstick.

"Come on Harls, do I gotta?"

"Dave, you know the rules. She's the king and what she says goes," Dirk held out his hand, "And we aren't half assing this either, we're gunna get some finger twining action going on here.

Dave extended his hand toward Dirk who closed the gap, clasping Dave's hand tightly. There was definitely finger twining going on because, as everyone knows, Striders don't half ass things. It's full ass or nothing.

After a moment or two they released their hands and everyone replaced the chopsticks. By now they all had the hang of it and when Terezi drew the King stick, she crowed her delight.

"Number three and number five! Sloppy makeouts, go!"

"Come on TZ!" Dave tossed down his stick, the number five clearly visible.

"Uh, I'm not a homosexual though," John looked perplexed as he showed everyone the number three on his chopstick.

"Don't care! Makeouts boys, I wanna hear makeouts."

"Wow, way to make it sound gross," Dave mumbled.

Finding breath was becoming a difficult task for John. How could he make out with his best bro? That just wasn't right. Bro's didn't make out! What was he going to do? What could he do to get out of it? But he couldn't, no. Terezi was King so he had to. Realizing he hadn't been breathing John inhaled deeply and it helped the room stop spinning. Everyone was looking at him with concern. He took another deep breath.

"Hey John, you okay bro?" Dave asked.

Not trusting himself to speak John just nodded. Dave tossed a disgusted look back at Terezi. Of course she would be the one to push the line.

"Okay Egbert, just pucker up. The sooner we start the sooner we finish."

Maybe it was just the alcohol, John thought as he screwed his eyes shut, but this didn't seem as bad as he would have thought it would. And then Dave's lips were on his and wow Terezi has the best ideas! At first it was just a gentle press but with Terezi chanting about makeouts in the background the kiss soon deepened. Then Dave's tongue was giving John's lower lip a firm but gentle stroke and John opened his mouth without a second thought. When he leaned into his best bro and moaned he decided he would blame that on the alcohol if anyone asked.

Then it was over. Dave pulled away and John slowly opened his eyes.

"Was that good enough TZ? You get your jollies off watching a man make out with his dorky best bro?"

Snickering, Terezi nodded in assent.

Everyone put their chopsticks back in the mug and Dirk went into the kitchen to bring out another round. Resting his glass on numb lips, John tried to wrap his head around what just happened. He'd made out with Dave. His best bro. He was pretty sure bro's didn't make out. If they didn't though, they should. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever.

…No homo.

"I have to pee!" John announced.

"Ew, John gross! Just go, we don't need to hear about it!" Jade exclaimed.

Standing John tottered his way to the stairs. He may have been leaning a bit heavier on the railing than usual, but at least he wasn't going to fall.

"I don't know why he didn't use the downstairs bathroom," Jade commented, "How much has he had anyway?"

It was a good thing the question was rhetorical because no one answered anyway. Jade rolled the empty cup in her hands and tried not to worry too much about her little brother. He was an adult now even if U.S. law said he shouldn't drink for another year.

A sudden loud crash startled everyone into looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh my gosh, what did he do?"

"Calm down Harls, it's probably nothing. I'll go check on him."

Jade nodded at Dave, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Standing, Dave made his way up the stairs, slightly unsteady from the amount of tequila sloshing around in his stomach.

Reaching the upstairs bathroom he tapped on the closed door, "Egbert? You okay in there man?"

There was a thud and what sounded like breathless giggling, although it could be crying too Dave supposed.

"Egbert, I'm coming in," he reached for the door knob but it wouldn't turn, "John why did you lock the door?"

"B-because," John replied.

"You're going to need to give me more than that John. Better yet, can you open the door?"

"Uh, yeah I can, in a minute…"

"Why not now?"

"Because the floor is really comfy."

"John, no. Get off the floor and open the damn door."

There were a few soft scuffing sounds and then a thump against the door as John fell against it. The knob clicked and Dave opened it cautiously. Out stumbled a very drunk John.

"Whoa there Egbert, you okay?"

Dave reached out to steady John, who immediately clung to him.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm great," John giggled, "You're really warm Dave."

"Uh that's nice. Maybe we should get you into bed, yeah?"

John giggled again and reached up to take off Dave's shades, "You're really warm."

"Uh huh," Dave tried to free himself a little from Johns grasp to help him to his room. Before he got too far in his attempt though John's lips were smashed up against his own.

"Ow, shit, watch the teeth Egbert."

John's fingers wrapped themselves into Dave's hair and his lips parted. Dave rolled his eyes before reciprocating. If anyone asked he'd blame the alcohol.

One of his hands grabbed John's shirt and the other wrapped around the nape of his neck for leverage as Dave put his tongue back to use. John moaned softly in the back of his throat. When Dave pulled away to nibble along his jawline he started panting lightly.

"I, uh, what, what about…" the words trailed off with a small gasp as Dave nipped at a particularly sensitive area on his neck.

"What about…?"

"Mmh, what about Terezi?"

"TZ and I have an open relationship Egbert, didn't you know that?"

"I, uh, maybe?"

Dave chuckled into John's throat before towing him down the hall.

"Okay, last stop. All Egbert's out."

They had reached John's bedroom.

"I don't want you to go," John crooned the words into Dave's hair.

"Yo, Egbert, I don't think you know what you're saying."

Hungry lips mouthed their way along the curve of Dave's ear, pausing to suck on the lobe.

"Stay? Please?"

Dave groaned. That please was what killed him. He tried to reason his way out of it but there were warm lips against the soft underside of his jaw and at the thought of them elsewhere he threw caution to the wind. He tugged John into the room and slammed the door behind them. Almost as an afterthought he clicked the lock into place.


End file.
